Saturday 22nd July 2006:

‘Welcome back, Skipper!’ I hear you cry. We’ll draw a veil over the events of last Saturday, and instead, let me recount, as briefly as I can, the exploits of Bowl Movement CC versus Norfolk Dumplings CC.

Once again I managed to win the toss (always, I think, the sign of a good captain – or at least, a lucky one) and decided we would bat – at least this ensures that every member of the side gets to do more than stand around in the field looking pretty (and that I get to bat before I’ve had a chance to eat too many cream cakes).

Let no-one think that my time was wasted last week. I had a good chance to see how you all performed under pressure, and I decided that it would be worth moving some players slightly higher up the order, and at the same time moving some of our stronger batsmen down, so that they could have a crack at the opposition’s weaker bowlers. This tactic also allowed Phil to take to the field after having had the longest possible rest.

We made a good, steady start, before Vicus was out for 30: 63-1.

A few balls later I top-edged the ball and was caught: 67-2.

We’d just celebrated passing the hundred mark when Carol was out, bowled. She muttered, as she stormed into the changing room, that the ball had shot along the ground. The wicket became a matter of concern, as several of our batsmen were bowled after having made a reasonable start. I’m fairly sure that the opposition didn’t notice the dents in the ladies changing-room wall: 103-3.

MinCat had been batting sensibly, when she took a wild swing at another ball which kept low, and was bowled: 127-4.

Ivy was also clean bowled: 156-5.

Tom had made a steady start, when they brought on a spin bowler, and he edged a catch to the slips: 176-6.

Jona was caught out by a similar ball, having made a respectable 17: 223-7.

Frangelita was hit by a ball, but elected to stay on the field. Sadly she was clearly distracted by the blow, as she was bowled next ball: 268-8.

Richard, clearly enjoying his new bat, had meanwhile been steadily piling on the runs and became our top scorer, on 64, but failed to move us on any further before being trapped LBW: 268-9.

Our final pair scored a few quick runs, before Phil was out LBW, leaving Interpreter not out on 17, and with the team on a respectable 293-10, with good contributions from every player, albeit that no-one pushed on to a very big score.

Tea, provided by the opposition, was very poor by the standards we have set. Very stodgy.

Fortunately, Interpreter had arrived with a food parcel: brioche, madeleines, pets de nonne, chocolatines and 11 slices of tarte Tatin, so some of us nipped behind the pavilion and tucked in.

Play resumed with some of our players looking decidedly corpulent. Tom, fortunately, seemed particularly aggressive (I believe he was annoyed that Phil had eaten the last dozen sausage rolls) having an opener caught at mid-on by Interpreter when the score was only: 15-1.

In his next over Tom had the other opener caught with a magnificent diving catch by Richard: 16-2.

This fast aggressive bowling by our opening pair soon took its toll; they tired, and the batsmen started scoring freely, so I switched to our slower bowlers. Interpreter had their no 3 caught by Vicus in the slips: 65-3.

Vicus held onto the ball again, in my next over: 66-4.

Interpreter clearly felt he needed to do something special this week, and was putting a great deal off effort into his bowling. He was able to make use of the uneven wicket to get the odd ball to rear unpredictably – eventually getting his man in the ribs, and forcing him to retire hurt.

We had plenty of runs in hand, so I gave our third pair a chance. Phil was too expensive, so I took him off after two overs, but MinCat bowled very economically, albeit without success. At the other end, though, Vicus struck immediately, as I returned the compliment, and held a catch at gulley from his bowling: 109-5.

We found it difficult to make a breakthrough to their tail, and the runs steadily flowed whilst I tried different combinations of bowlers. Eventually I bowled one of them: 161-6.

The score continued to build, before Interpreter got another wicket: 240-7.

I brought Tom back, muttered ‘sausage rolls’ to him, and he thundered in, getting his man LBW: 259-8.

We had a lead of 34, but they still had two wickets in hand, if their injured batsman decided to return to the fray. At that moment, however, an ambulance arrived on the scene, and took him away. Tom glared, charged in, and trapped their last man LBW. They finished on 259 and we won again!!