Saturday

The Finnish Tour. Day Four.

So, we came into the final day needing to take seven more wickets, and then score whatever target they had set us.

The Tom/Frangelita combination was again successful (I can’t describe Fran’s athletic display, you had to be there to see it) as their opening batsman (who was on 98 by this time) fell: 167-4.

I managed to bowl their next batsman: 183-5.

Realdoc achieved an LBW: 260-6.

At this point, snow stopped play for 38 minutes, and we took an early lunch (Lincolnshire sausage [my favourite] sandwiches, supplied by one of our travelling spectators).

Frangelita may have eaten too many sandwiches, for (amazingly) she dropped a catch off Phil’s bowling straight after lunch.

Fortunately, Richard managed to do his job, taking a clean catch off my leg-spin ball: 290-7

Two overs later I took the new ball, and achieved an edge to Jona in the slips: 309-8

Realdoc’s googly clean-bowled a bamboozled batsman: 311-9.

With her next ball, she finished their innings, a catch being held by Medusa in the slips; 311-10.

We needed, therefore, to score 197, in the 28 minutes before tea, and then the final session of the day. Not impossible, but we would need to score quickly. Richard said he was tired, so I juggled the order a bit, to give us a chance at a slog, but with a respectable tail, should we collapse and need to play for a draw.

Vicus was bowled early on in our reply: 21-1.

Tea came when the score had reached 36-1. Pammy’s flight arrived from the USA just in time for her to join us at this point. She and Tom went for quick word of encouragement behind the changing rooms, before he went out to bat.

Still needing 163 to win, I instructed our players to be as aggressive as they liked in the final session.

Jona was out LBW as the score reached 64-2.

Tom was scoring very freely, so I fed him the strike as much as possible, before edging a catch to the slips: 113-3.

Sadly, Carol was bowled first ball; 113-4.

Tom was caught going for a big shot: 127-5.

71 runs needed to win, and just 59 minutes left on the clock.

I told Phil that he would have to abandon his normal elegant style, and go for a slog, which he did with gusto, putting all his weight behind the bat. Strangely, he wasn’t out immediately, Medusa’s being the next wicket to fall, caught in the slips: 144-6.

Realdoc was out in the same way: 159-7.

39 runs needed to win, three wickets in hand, and just 15 minutes left in which to win, lose or draw the match (and all three results still possible).

Phil was finally bowled, trying to hit a six: 186-8.

12 to win. Five minutes and just 2 wickets left.

When Richard was bowled with the score still on 188-9, you could cut the atmosphere in the ground with a knife (yes, freezing fog had descended).

We needed just 10 runs to win the match, but had only two minutes in which to score them, before the match was scheduled to end – but all they needed to do was to claim our last wicket, and they would win.

At this moment, Cherrypie decided it would be a good idea to streak across the pitch. Had she done so, our time would have gone, and the match would have ended in a draw.

I had a split second to decide – let her, or allow the game to reach a natural conclusion.

Cliff hanger on top of cliff-hanger.

Of course, I did the gentlemanly thing…

…I hit her on the head with an empty vodka bottle that happened to be lying there.

At that very moment, on the pitch, the final over started, with two balls which Frangelita could only block. However, the third ball was cut perfectly for four. She edged the next ball, and she and Ivy ran a quick two. Two balls left in the entire match, and four runs still needed. The bowler runs in…

…and young Fran drives it cleanly back, all the way to the boundary.

We win!!

Hurrah for us!!!

Friday

The Finnish Tour. Day Three.

After a solid breakfast, Richard and I strode out to the crease. Sadly I didn’t stay there very long, being clean bowled: 114-4.

Carol and Richard now decided to take the Finns on, driving and cutting in an amazing fashion, with sixes raining down on all parts of the ground. When Carol was finally bowled, we were only two runs short of a first inning’s lead: 183-5.

Frangelita was dropped off the first ball she faced. She then took us past the two hundred mark with a series of fours. At lunch we stood at a respectable 225-5.

Lunch was reindeer sandwiches (again) and turkey soup (again).

Richard’s 50 came up in the first over after lunch.

Frangelita was bowled as the score rose to 238-6.

Richard got stuck in the nervous nineties, and was then bowled, having reached a personal best of 93: 299-7.

At this point, with a lead of 114, I decided to declare.

I rather hoped that we would make a breakthrough before tea, but their openers turned out to be more dogged this time (although one of them did spend a little while curled up on the ground, after I hit him in the box). At tea they were on 65-0.

Nothing embarrassing happened during the tea interval, probably because I had given Ziggi and Cherrypie permission to leave the ground and go on a tour of the bars of Espoo (they have already sampled, and been barred from those of Helsinki).

After tea, Tom made the first breakthrough, Frangelita performing a forward roll, handspring and double pike as she moved from Square Leg to catch the ball: 76-1.

I held on to a nick from Tom’s fastest ball of the day: 92-2.

Phil and Carol were knocked all over the ground in their short spell, but our spinners were more effective, Vicus clean bowling his man on: 143-3.

No more wickets fell, and they ended the day on 163-3 – a lead of just 49.

Our batting figures (sadly, an up-to-date bowling analysis wasn’t ready as I went to print) are shown below:

Thursday

The Finnish Tour. Day Two.

For the benefit of those who don’t know (or can’t remember) let me just explain that I play this game on my computer, inserting the names of the various bloggers who (quite literally) make up the team. I then report, entirely faithfully, exactly what went on – I have not added to, or taken away from anyone’s scores (mine, for instance, are well below par – perhaps it’s the cold weather). Even the cliff-hanging ending on the final day really happened – but you will have to wait until Saturday to read that.

So, then, on to the match:

We have too many players in the squad now, so as I looked around the hung-over faces in the dressing room, I knew that sadly a pair of them would fall, as I had to tell two of our players that they would be in reserve for this match.

I then marched onto the pitch, lost the toss, and was told that the Finnish team had elected to bat.

Tom and I opened the bowling.

The first wicket fell when Frangelita did a back-flip, and caught the ball one-handed off my bowling: 10-1.

The first change of bowling brought our spinners on, both Vicus and Realdoc managing to make the ball turn, despite the hardness of the wicket (it was completely frozen). Eventually an edge flew from Vicus’ bowling straight into the gloves of Richard (our keeper): 32-2.

The third pair of bowlers used in this match were that pair of old workhorses, Phil and Carol. They plodded in, without success, so I returned to our openers, immediately striking as my slower ball caught an edge, and flew to Ivy in the slips: 82-3.

Two overs later, an identical ball shot into Jona’s hands, and amazingly stayed there: 86-4.

At lunch, with the score on 93-4, we felt we’d done a good morning’s work.

They came out with a little more determination after the break, and pushed the score on, until Vicus achieved an LBW: 138-5.

Vicus broke through again when an edge went straight to Phil, dozing in the slips: 147-6.

The next over saw Realdoc taking her first wicket for BMCC, when she made the ball move a foot off the wicket, and clean bowled her opponent: 149-7.

Our third pairing finally got some reward for their labours, when one of Phil’s balls was edged to Medusa: 180-8.

In the gulley, I held on to a ball driven off Carol’s bowling: 185-9.

I rounded off their first innings with a ball edged to Richard; 185-10.

We came off the pitch, congratulating ourselves on a job well done.

Our openers were going to have a nervous few overs to face before tea, so I asked them to be cautious. Tom clearly heard every word I said, hitting the first ball for six. Fortunately, no wickets fell, and we came in for tea at 12-0.

There was a little awkwardness in the tea pavilion, as the players watched one of our supporters being led from the ground by the stewards. Apparently Cherrypie had drunk a little too much vodka, and her merry vocal renditions of rugby songs were embarrassing nearby spectators. I will have a word with her later.

After tea, Tom’s was the first wicket to fall: 46-1.

Vicus was caught at Long Off, trying to match Tom’s six: 73-2

Jona was clean bowled: 90-3.

Richard and I, though, held up any further collapse, and were still there at the close of play: 102-3.

Our new scorer, who likes the view, loved the set of pencils that we’d all clubbed together to buy her for Christmas, and has prepared this summary score-sheet, showing the current position of play.

Wednesday

The Finnish Tour. Day One.

Well, the first surprise we got when we arrived here was that the Finnish National Cricket Team were expecting to play a three-day match, rather than the usual one-day slog to which we are used. Fortunately, most of the team (and the supporters too, come to that) seem to have let themselves go over the autumn, and have sufficient layers of subcutaneous fat to see them through three days outdoors in Finland.

The second surprise was the light level. Isn’t it dark here? Finland only gets half an hour of sunlight in the whole month of December, you know. We knew that we’d have to play the match under floodlights - I just wasn’t aware that they would be giant sunlamps. Anyway, it’s clearing up my SAD nicely, thanks.

The third surprise came when we started to unload the tins of Quality Street that Carol had brought to nibble on during breaks. Phil had eaten the lot before he got off the coach.

Fortunately, our band of supporters have brought along plenty of turkey sandwiches, and lots of mince pies, so it seems that we will have enough calories to survive.

The fourth (and I trust final) surprise came when we were told that the match doesn’t actually start on Boxing Day, but will in fact be played from mid-morning today.

Yesterday was not a waste of time, however, as Taiga the Fox had made arrangements for us to sample the highlights of Finnish culture.

Vicus particularly seemed to enjoy the fish-slapping contest.

Sadly, we missed Sleepyhead Day, where the laziest person in the towns of Naantali and Hanko is thrown into the sea (I think we all know who would be the contender for the title in our team, don’t we?) and the annual wife-carrying championship held every July in Sonkajärvi.

I’m not sure that the rest of the team can remember much of what followed, as it appears that most of Finland’s ancient customs and cultural highlights involve drinking large quantities of alcohol. Our most recent (medical) recruit to the team particularly embarrassed herself. However, if the team over-indulged, they were nothing to our travelling band of supporters. I will leave it you your own imaginations to picture Ziggi and Cherrypie singing to a karaoke machine, and a room-full of their new (imaginary) best friends, at 4 am.

Your tee-total captain, however, kept a clear head, and was up with the lark this morning (actually, the lark itself failed to put in an appearance) and ate a hearty breakfast of piimä with musesli, purro with ligonberry jam and some tasty reindeer sandwiches.

As I write this, I am still waiting for the rest of the team to appear from their tents (I am sorry that Taiga only had one spare bed in the house for me, but I’m sure the others will enjoy the bracing country air).

Assuming that they do, I shall post a report of the first day’s play in the match tomorrow.

Monday

Batting and bowling averages for the 2006 season, up to end of September. The season has now closed until the spring.

Sunday

Saturday 30th Septmber 2006

Yesterday we played Marsh Marigolds, who were in second place in the league – so a win was important. The ground was quite wet, but playable (others weren’t so lucky – only one other match was played in our division).

I won the toss, and elected to bat. I had decided that Tom needed a rest, so juggled the batting order once again. Most players did OK, and we finished on a satisfactory 323 all out.

Medusa was our star bowler, taking seven wickets (finishing the opposition off by taking two wickets with her last two balls). We bowled them out for 227, so won by 96 runs.

This has moved us up to second place, as the league table shows.

I have also worked out each player’s averages, but will put them up tomorrow.

Saturday 23rd September 2006

Bowl Movement CC v Norfolk Dumplings CC.

I won the toss, and decided we’d bowl first, on a damp (but drying) wicket. I used seven bowlers, three of whom (Tom, Medusa and Phil) produced their best bowling figures of the season. My figures would look better if Richard hadn’t dropped two catches. They finished on 374-10.

Interesting tea (Carol, who’s away on birthday holiday, sent us the haggis; Ziggi made the cream cakes; Phil ate the pies).

We had a middle-order batting collapse, and at 149-6 looked to have lost the match. However, a seventh-wicket stand by Medusa and your captain doubled our score, and as Phil then managed to be not out at the end we won by one wicket: 375-9.

Personal bests with the bat by Medusa (79) and me – my first-ever century (136 not out).

In view of her performance with both bat and ball, I made Medusa (honorary) man of the match.

Results by other teams mean that we move up to fourth in the table, and are now only ten points behind the second-placed team.

Saturday 16th September 2006

I won the toss; feeling that we probably stood a chance with the bat, I put us in. I’d revised the order to put our strongest recent line-up at the top, and rather hoped we might match the 400 we scored last week.

Vicus was the first wicket to fall, with the score on just 21. He came off holding his stomach, muttering about something he’d eaten. I can’t imagine what.

Tom and I made a bit more of a fight of things, pushing on to 112 (with a nice half-century for Tom) before he was caught.

Jona supported me well, as I pushed on past my half-century, although she seemed unable to time the ball herself, and eventually fell cheaply – I don’t think she’s fully recovered from last week’s century, and the kids returning to school: 159-3.

Sadly, the next over I too departed: 164-4.

Carol didn’t hang around for long: 168-5.

Frangelita scored a few quick runs before being bowled: 196-6.

Richard had seemed in good form, so I was sad to see his wicket fall, at 208-7.

Medusa and Ivy now made a nice little stand, to push our score a bit closer to 300, before Ivy was out: 244-8

Medusa fell shortly after this: 251-9.

With just Phil and Lisa left at the wicket, it seemed unlikely that many more runs would follow. However, they both played like demons, with Lisa very clearly the dominant partner, taking on every quick single she could make Phil run. Sadly she was out just short of her half-century; Phil’s 24 not out will help his average too. Our final score: 318-10.

Well, that was considerably better than the 94 we’d managed against them last time. Now we just had to get some wickets (you will recall that when we played them before, we were unable to get either of their openers out).

I made the first breakthrough, when Frangelita made an impressive athletic catch, which appeared to involve a double back somersault, a pike and the Heimlich manoeuvre: 28-1.

After that they dug in, as we worked through our usual six bowlers without effect, as the runs piled up. Eventually I returned to our opening pair, taking a wicket myself: 121-2.

Tom finally had an LBW appeal accepted: 150-3.

On returning to our second pair, Vicus had an edge held by Richard: 174-4.

Once again, though, the runs piled up as we tried every one of our six regular bowlers. The batsmen were so secure that I didn’t want to risk an untried bowler, but did use some new combinations; while Carol and I were bowling Vicus held a catch off my slower ball: 268-5.

As they approached 300, I finally felt that I should shoulder the blame for giving them the winning runs, so returned with Vicus – and immediately made two breakthroughs (which would at least earn us a couple of points if we lost): 301-6 and 305-7. Sadly, though, that was as far as we went, as they reached 320-7, and we lost by three wickets.

The league table is over at the club website. You will see there are new league leaders, Marsh Marigolds having lost their match. We have slipped to fifth place, but all is not lost yet, although it is perhaps less likely now that we can actually win the league; promotion is still possible (we are only 24 points behind second place – with 20 for a win, things can soon change).

Saturday 9th September 2006

When we played Port Lemon CC in the first match of the season, you will recall that they scored 213-10, runs we knocked-off for the loss of only 5 wickets. Since then, Port Lemon have only won two matches, and are currently next to bottom in our division. So having won the toss, I decided that we would bat, having re-arranged our batting line-up slightly, into a more aggressive formation. I encouraged you all to go out and enjoy yourselves – and aim for a total of at least 400.


Tom and Vicus had a good slog, Vicus knocking off his half-century very quickly; however this seemed to make him over-excited, and set off for a run which proved to be suicidal – for his old pal Tom, who was run-out. 81-1

The score had pushed on to over 100, before Vicus edged a ball to the slips: 104-2.

Richard and I scored a quick 40, before he fell LBW: 144-3.

Jona and I enjoyed a stand of nearly 100, which ended when I hit the ball hard to square leg: 236-4.

Another stand of nearly 100 followed, with Jona and Carol knocking the bowling all over the field; shortly after Jona had reached her century, Carol was given LBW: 333-5.

Another twenty runs, and Jona was bowled, having scored a magnificent 132: 354-6.

Medusa didn’t stay around for long, being given out LBW when the score had reached: 368-7.

400 looked a little less likely when Phil fell for just 3 runs: 376-8.

Lisa however supported Frangelita (who had been slowly piling on the runs) before she was bowled: 395-9.

Frangelita and MinCat put on a magnificent last-wicket slog, pushing us on to a super total by the time Min finally fell: 414-10.

Nice tea guys. The fairy cakes that Vicus bought along were much appreciated.

Our opening bowlers struggled for quite a time, before Frangelita held a catch in the slips off my bowling: 55-1.

We moved on to our second pair, who again struggled, until I finally held a catch at gulley, off Vicus’ bowling: 98-2.

We moved on to our third pair, who had some bad luck: Richard dropped a catch from Phil’s bowling, and Lisa dropped one of Jona’s balls. We were really struggling now, with our first and second pairs unable to make any further headway and the score over 200 – but finally Phil’s luck returned, when Medusa took a catch in the slips: 203-3.

Another long wicketless spell followed, before Tom got the batsman to edge the ball to Frangelita in the slips: 316-4.

Although we only had a hundred runs to play with, our fortunes took a positive turn now, as our second pair made the big breakthrough we needed – with his first ball of a new spell, Vicus got an LBW: 318-5

His next over saw him taking another wicket as Tom held a catch: 318-6.

Two overs later and Vicus achieved another LBW: 322-7.

Their spell ended when Carol also got an LBW: 330-8.

I returned to our openers to see off the tail, taking a wicket myself: 342-9.

Tom finished the match with yet another LBW: 342-10.

We won by 72 runs!!

Saturday 2nd September 2006

Yesterday marked the halfway stage in the league season – we have now played every team in our division. From next week we will face them all again.

So, BMCC v Norwich Puffins – who, fortunately, have some decent covers, as heavy rain in the morning threatened to call the whole match off; we were disturbed by showers during the afternoon. I gather only one other match was completed, as you will see from the league table which is posted below.

I won the toss, and decided we’d bat. Sadly we lost an early wicket, when Richard attempted to drive the ball, but hit it instead straight to square leg: 4-1.

Tom’s was the next wicket to fall, after he and Vicus had pushed the score on to a healthy: 55-2.

Vicus and I scored a few quick runs, before he was bowled: 75-3.

Medusa again edged the ball consistently (I really think we’ll have to club together to get her a new bat) and was eventually caught by the slips: 97-4.

The next few overs saw some quick running by Jona and I, before a careless stroke led to your captain being bowled: 130-5.

Jona moved on to the side’s second highest score, before clipping the ball to gulley: 150-6.

Frangelita was looking very confident at the wicket – perhaps overconfident, as she was bowled: 176-7.

Carol had been playing her usual extravagant (albeit short) innings; she was also bowled: 178-8.

MinCat and Phil pushed our score towards the psychologically crucial 200 mark, before Min was given out LBW: 196-9.

I hurriedly instructed Lisa to block, and allow Phil to take the score as high as he could – she at least followed orders, being not out – Phil was bowled as our score reached: 199-10.

Tea was OK, although there did seem to be a suspiciously large amount of fish. My team talk stressed that tight bowling and fielding would be needed, if we were to get them all out for less than 200.

The first wicket fell when Frangelita took an athletic catch in the slips off my bowling: 23-1.

A couple of overs later, I bowled their number 3: 33-2.

After another few overs we switched to our second pair, Carol getting a wicket with her third ball, edged to Lisa in the slips: 41-3.

Runs were piling up, and I was about to switch the bowling when Vicus was lofted to the boundary, where a surprised Jona held a catch: 107-5.

She was so excited that I decided to let her have a bowl – with me at the other end.

We didn’t achieve anything, so I then tried Tom and Phil – Tom getting a wicket, clean bowled: 107-5.

With runs piling up, I brought back our second pair, Vicus getting an LBW: 139-6.

We had only four more wickets to take, and sixty runs to play with. Our position looked sound, and jolly wisecracks rang around the wicket. Twenty minutes later, having tried various bowling combinations, things suddenly looked bleak – they had reached 183, and we still hadn’t taken another wicket. Giving myself a quick talking-to, I refocused my aim, and took the first hat-trick of my career: Richard taking a catch: 185-7.

LBW: 185-8.

Bowled: 185-9.

The last pair, however, continued to knock off the runs, and things had reached a perilous stage when one of them struck a loose ball from Vicus hard to gulley’s right; an instinctive hand shot out and I held the catch which enabled us to win the match by one run: 198-10.

The league table is, as I mentioned above, printed below. As you will see, we are in fourth place (out of ten teams) – not bad for a fresh side. I really hope, however, that we can do better in the next nine weeks. Promotion is a realistic proposition if we all pull together.

Saturday 2nd September 2006

Yesterday marked the halfway stage in the league season – we have now played every team in our division. From next week we will face them all again.

So, BMCC v Norwich Puffins – who, fortunately, have some decent covers, as heavy rain in the morning threatened to call the whole match off; we were disturbed by showers during the afternoon. I gather only one other match was completed, as you will see from the league table which is posted below.

I won the toss, and decided we’d bat. Sadly we lost an early wicket, when Richard attempted to drive the ball, but hit it instead straight to square leg: 4-1.

Tom’s was the next wicket to fall, after he and Vicus had pushed the score on to a healthy: 55-2.

Vicus and I scored a few quick runs, before he was bowled: 75-3.

Medusa again edged the ball consistently (I really think we’ll have to club together to get her a new bat) and was eventually caught by the slips: 97-4.

The next few overs saw some quick running by Jona and I, before a careless stroke led to your captain being bowled: 130-5.

Jona moved on to the side’s second highest score, before clipping the ball to gulley: 150-6.

Frangelita was looking very confident at the wicket – perhaps overconfident, as she was bowled: 176-7.

Carol had been playing her usual extravagant (albeit short) innings; she was also bowled: 178-8.

MinCat and Phil pushed our score towards the psychologically crucial 200 mark, before Min was given out LBW: 196-9.

I hurriedly instructed Lisa to block, and allow Phil to take the score as high as he could – she at least followed orders, being not out – Phil was bowled as our score reached: 199-10.

Tea was OK, although there did seem to be a suspiciously large amount of fish. My team talk stressed that tight bowling and fielding would be needed, if we were to get them all out for less than 200.

The first wicket fell when Frangelita took an athletic catch in the slips off my bowling: 23-1.

A couple of overs later, I bowled their number 3: 33-2.

After another few overs we switched to our second pair, Carol getting a wicket with her third ball, edged to Lisa in the slips: 41-3.

Runs were piling up, and I was about to switch the bowling when Vicus was lofted to the boundary, where a surprised Jona held a catch: 107-5.

She was so excited that I decided to let her have a bowl – with me at the other end.

We didn’t achieve anything, so I then tried Tom and Phil – Tom getting a wicket, clean bowled: 107-5.

With runs piling up, I brought back our second pair, Vicus getting an LBW: 139-6.

We had only four more wickets to take, and sixty runs to play with. Our position looked sound, and jolly wisecracks rang around the wicket. Twenty minutes later, having tried various bowling combinations, things suddenly looked bleak – they had reached 183, and we still hadn’t taken another wicket. Giving myself a quick talking-to, I refocused my aim, and took the first hat-trick of my career: Richard taking a catch: 185-7.

LBW: 185-8.

Bowled: 185-9.

The last pair, however, continued to knock off the runs, and things had reached a perilous stage when one of them struck a loose ball from Vicus hard to gulley’s right; an instinctive hand shot out and I held the catch which enabled us to win the match by one run: 198-10.

The league table is, as I mentioned above, printed below. As you will see, we are in fourth place (out of ten teams) – not bad for a fresh side. I really hope, however, that we can do better in the next nine weeks. Promotion is a realistic proposition if we all pull together.

Monday

Tables

Here is the current league table. You’ll see that we slipped two places following our loss on Saturday.

And here are updated batting averages. I think I said last week that I’ve found my natural place at number 4 (a position I’ve never occupied in real life – I’ve either opened, or come in much lower in the order – an interesting ‘what if..’ there, given the way the computer seems to portray real-life characteristics quit unerringly). The figures seem to bear this out. You can boast about your own results on your blogs.

As far as the bowling figures go, every bowler took a hammering last Saturday, but again many of us still have quite respectable results.

Far be it for me to point out who tops both tables.

Pride, after all, comes before a fall.

Sunday

Saturday 27th August 2006

Richard’s back from his holiday, and in the light of the food parcel he sent me, I decided to allow him to resume his role of keeper. For the moment I’m assuming Interpreter has taken extended leave of absence, so Tom remains as vice-captain. I must admit it’s a toss-up whether he or Vicus have the greatest experience in this field.* MinCat is settling-in to a new home, so I gave her the day off to unpack.

We lost the toss, Touch and Go CC deciding to bat. To be fair, our wicket hasn’t had much attention the last few weeks (the mower was drowned in The Great Flood, and the heavy roller’s a bit rusty too), and our bowlers found it hard to find the right line and length.

Our openers (Tom and I) couldn’t make any impression at all, and the score was already over fifty before our second pair (Vicus and Carol) finally made a breakthrough, following some quick reactions with the gloves by Richard to a slower ball from Vicus: 52-1.

Our third pair (Phil and Jona) couldn’t get a wicket, and with the score ominously over 100 I brought the openers back, making a breakthrough myself when Carol held a diving catch: 109-2.

Runs continued to flow freely before a batsman lofted the ball to a dozing Jona, who awoke just in time to hold onto it: 151-3.

Our second pair achieved nothing; we moved to the third string, Richard holding another excellent catch off Jona’s (extremely) slow bowling: 196-4.

To try something different I gave Ivy a few overs – whilst reasonably economical, she never threatened to take a wicket. However, Frangelita held a surprise catch off Phil’s bowling: 231-5.

Over 100 runs now came off the bat, whilst your increasingly desperate captain tried several different bowling combinations (and rejected Carol’s suggestion that she be allowed to tamper with the ball).

Finally Tom bowled his man: 382-6.

I bowled another batsman: 417-7.

Vicus got an LBW: 447-8.

I held a catch in gulley off Jona’s bowling: 459-9.

Carol took the last wicket, clean bowled; 464-10.

Tea, whilst it looked excellent (well done everyone, especially our new recruit to the kitchen) tasted like ashes in my mouth. I held a long and serious team-talk in the dressing room before we took to the field again. Clearly we had a mountain to climb, so I stressed we should not think about it, but instead concentrate on the fact that every 46½ runs earn us one point (should we lose). Stick in, no flashy shots, let’s just knock off the runs in blocks of 47.

That’s what I asked for.

Tom and Vicus nearly achieved it, the first wicket falling at 39, as Tom was comprehensively bowled.

Medusa was the first of several players to find that her bat seemed to comprise two edges and no middle, being caught in the slips: 57-2.

Vicus fell the same way, when we had nearly achieved our second batting point: 86-3.

Richard and I made a short stand, before he edged to the keeper: 106-4.

Jona achieved a golden duck, edging the next ball to the slips: 106-5.

Ivy and I then put on a 72 run stand for the sixth wicket, before she was given out LBW: 178-6.

A few balls later Frangelita was bowled: 180-7.

Sensing that I was running out of partners, I tried to push on for another couple of points, but was bowled when the score reached: 217-8.

This brought that pair of old troopers, Phil and Carol, together. Phil’s hours in the nets now showed, as this dashing pair put on a quick thirty, before Carol was caught trying to hit the ball over the fielders: 248-9.

I felt sure that Phil and Lisa would push the score beyond 300, but sadly Lisa’s duck ended the match at: 254-10.

Oh well, we earned five batting points. I’m sure you did your best (three of you, at least, did, scoring personal bests in this match).

Let’s hope the teams below us didn’t win, shall we?

I’ll post the league table here tomorrow, together with the updated averages for every player, as we’ve finished another month’s cricket.

*I’m talking about the field of vice, not cricket.

Tuesday

League Table

I should have done this from the start, but lack of time precluded it. I have now produced a proper league table, which is shown below (I will update it each week).

Points are allocated on a simple basis: 20 for the winning side, with the losing team scoring 1 point per wicket taken (if fielding second) or 10% of the opposition score (if batting second) – thus losing sides can score a maximum of 9 points. Matches abandoned or drawn will earn 15 points for each team.

So, with two more matches to play until the half-way stage in the season, we are currently sitting (just) in third place. The top two teams in the league are promoted to the next division, so we’ll have to try a little harder (but not, of course, going so far as to tamper with the ball) if we are to move up.

Next Saturday we are at home to Touch and Go CC, who you will note are just above us, and so a decisive win may be all we need to move up – on the other hand a bad loss, and any one of five teams could overtake us.

Sunday

Saturday 19th August 2006.

A bit of a re-arrangement was required this week. Richard is on holiday, so we needed a new wicket keeper – and with Frangelita’s proven ability as a catcher of the ball, I tossed her the gloves. Vicus returned as an opening batsman, and in view of her performance last week, I promoted Medusa to number 3. With our vice-captain still missing, and with Sherlock Holmes unable to trace him, I appointed Tom in his stead.

Sadly, I lost the toss, with the opposition electing to bat.

This seemed no bad thing, as in my first over Ivy held a catch: 0-1.

A few overs later, I took the second wicket too: 21-2

After this, I switched to our second pair, Vicus and MinCat.

They couldn’t make a breakthrough, and with Vicus being knocked around, I turned to that pair of old stalwarts, Phil and Carol. My confidence was justified as Phil bowled his man with his first ball: 56-3.

As the score moved on steadily, eventually I returned to our opening bowlers. Tom was disappointed to see Frangelita drop a catch, but the next over I forced an edge to Lisa in the slips: 117-4.

After a few more overs we returned to our second pair, who caused a middle-order collapse:

MinCat having a man caught by Tom at silly mid-off: 155-5.

In the next over, Vicus took two wickets, an LBW and a bowled: 156-6 and 158-7.

Our third pair had no success, Lisa dropping an edged ball from Phil’s bowling.

I got an LBW: 184-8.

Vicus took the final two wickets in two balls, both edged behind and caught cleanly by Frangelita: 206-9 and 206-10.

Tea was OK. Oh, and Carol and Ivy, we spotted you sneaking off to the chippy.

Our opening batsmen started well, before Tom was caught and bowled: 32-1.

Vicus had been playing a cavalier innings, but finally his extravagant style led to an edge to the keeper: 85-2.

Medusa had played nicely for her 25, but was bowled in the next over: 85-3.

MinCat was unable to match her friend from the sub-continent, being out for a duck: 90-4.

This brought Jona and I together, and we pushed the score on nicely, Jona reaching her half-century with a beautiful cover drive. She was finally out, caught in the slips: 187-5.

Ivy scored a quick six, and put us within sight of the winning-post: 197-6

Frangelita and I brought us home, as we reached: 207-6.

We won by four wickets.

Hurrah again!!

Saturday 12th August.

Bowl Movement CC v Daisy Cutters CC. I felt confident, and back on top form – which I demonstrated by winning the toss. I also had complete confidence in our new batting line-up, and was sure that the extra week’s rest had done the whole team good.

We made a positive start, reaching 45 before Tom was caught behind. 45-1.

A half-century partnership followed, before Richard fell, clean bowled. 97-2.

Shortly after that Vicus tried to hit the ball for six, but fell short and was caught. 110-3

MinCat never really seemed in control, and edged the ball to the slips. 115-4.

Jona played a steady little innings before being bowled. 133-5

Ivy was just getting into her stride, when she was clean bowled by a yorker. 143-6.

Things were getting a little worrying, with this collapse of our middle order, but I was determined to play a steady, captain’s innings, and fortunately Frangelita who came out next decided to help me, with a brisk and exciting knock, reaching 49 before unluckily being given out LBW. 231-7

Carol did her best, before edging the ball to slips. 253-8.

Our newest player, Medusa, demonstrated some exciting talent, and will undoubtedly be batting higher up the order next week, playing a beautiful cameo innings, scoring 39, which is more than anyone could ask of a number ten batsman. Eventually she was bowled, but not before we had pushed the score on to 325-9.

I realised that if we were to get a respectable total, I would have to start taking some risks; I duly opened up my shoulders and started to score freely. Sadly, I was just five runs away from a maiden century when my partner was bowled, leaving me on 95 not out, and the team 351-10.

We may need a little fine-tuning, but overall I was quite satisfied with our new experimental batting line-up.
After the usual excellent tea that we have all come to expect (some rather pleasant extras this time, whoever provided them – how did you know I like nothing more than a nice toasted tea-cake? I noticed that Vicus seemed especially attracted by the crumpets) we took to the field, where again I had decided to try a new bowling attack, based on last month’s averages, and my theory that a slow bowler makes a surprise opener.
I was vindicated, when I took the first two wickets, the first edging to Vicus in the slips: 16-1.

The next fell LBW: 19-2

Tom got his man caught by Frangelita at second slip: 24-3.

After this early success, I switched to our second pair, Vicus and MinCat, but they were unable to make a breakthrough, and after fifty runs had been added, I moved on to Jona and Carol – Jona rewarding my faith in her as she got her man LBW: 85-4.

After a few more overs I brought back our openers, and Tom got his second wicket, caught by Vicus in the slips: 105-5.

I responded by having a batsman caught by Ivy at third slip: 122-6.

I brought on our second pair, and Vicus took his first wicket, LBW: 138-7.

A few overs later I tried our third pairing, Jona getting another wicket as I held the catch in gulley: 161-8.

The very next ball, Lisa dropped a catch.

I brought back our openers to finish off their tail, and had their number three, who had held on all this time, reaching 72, caught by Richard: 173-9.

In my next over I finished the match, as Jona caught a ball which seemed to hang in the air for hours (she had time to drop her fag, comb her hair, and wait for the ball to drop into her hands): 176-10.

That final wicket gave me a five-fer to add to my half-century, and for the team it meant a win by 175 runs.

Hurrah!


Monday

Averages.

Here are the July batting averages, following our first five matches of the year.

Here are the bowling figures for the same period.

Saturday 5th August

Rain stopped play.

Pitch flooded. Match abandoned.

Sunday

Saturday 29th July 2006

Bowl Movement CC versus Marsh Marigolds CC. I should have kept my mouth shut last week about being lucky, as I lost the toss. The other side elected to bat first, and piled up a massive score which left us at tea feeling a bit downhearted, and even Frangelita’s best muffins didn’t really lift our spirits.
On a fast, dry and very hard outfield the ball was flying to the boundary far too often. Vicus made an early breakthrough, bowling the opener: 24-1.
After that, though, our bowlers tired fast in the muggy conditions, and I switched to spin, Interpreter getting his man caught behind by Richard: 51-2.
Neither we slower bowlers, nor the openers, could dislodge the next pair, and with the score moving ominously higher I experimented with two novice bowlers, Frangelita being rewarded when an edge was caught in slip by Ivy: 154-3.
I brought the slower bowlers back on, and got a wicket myself as Phil held an amazing reflex catch at silly mid on: 179-4.
The return of the openers saw Vicus taking his second wicket, caught behind: 208-5.
Another hard spell of bowling achieved nothing, so I tried Phil for a spell, with me at the other end – they were so eager to face Phil that the batsman misjudged one of my balls, and was clean bowled: 230-6.
The openers soon returned, and Tom got his first wicket when I held onto the ball in gulley: 280-7.
After a long hot spell, Tom took the next wicket, trapping his man LBW: 333-8.
Frangelita held on to a diving catch off Vicus’ bowling: 344-9.
I brought myself on to finish off the tail, bowling him: 360-10.
360 was a massive mountain to climb, and frankly I feel we went at it too hot-headedly.
Vicus was caught behind: 8-1.
Richard was caught and bowled: 21-2.
Tom had been playing very aggressively, and smashing the ball to the boundary, before being caught behind: 53-3.
The next ball saw Interpreter’s wicket fall, caught in the slips: 53-4.
Carol came in, had a swing, edged the ball to slips and departed: 60-5.
I had been trying to hold the innings together, batting cautiously as the wickets tumbled. Eventually I tried to push on towards our target, and was bowled: 74-6.
Phil was out LBW (this is not the first time; perhaps you should try hitting the ball with the bat Phil): 77-7.
Jona too edged the ball to the slips: 85-8.
Mincat was clean bowled: 85-9.
The next ball also uprooted Ivy’s stumps: 85-10.
We lost by 270 runs.

Saturday 22nd July 2006:

‘Welcome back, Skipper!’ I hear you cry. We’ll draw a veil over the events of last Saturday, and instead, let me recount, as briefly as I can, the exploits of Bowl Movement CC versus Norfolk Dumplings CC.

Once again I managed to win the toss (always, I think, the sign of a good captain – or at least, a lucky one) and decided we would bat – at least this ensures that every member of the side gets to do more than stand around in the field looking pretty (and that I get to bat before I’ve had a chance to eat too many cream cakes).

Let no-one think that my time was wasted last week. I had a good chance to see how you all performed under pressure, and I decided that it would be worth moving some players slightly higher up the order, and at the same time moving some of our stronger batsmen down, so that they could have a crack at the opposition’s weaker bowlers. This tactic also allowed Phil to take to the field after having had the longest possible rest.

We made a good, steady start, before Vicus was out for 30: 63-1.

A few balls later I top-edged the ball and was caught: 67-2.

We’d just celebrated passing the hundred mark when Carol was out, bowled. She muttered, as she stormed into the changing room, that the ball had shot along the ground. The wicket became a matter of concern, as several of our batsmen were bowled after having made a reasonable start. I’m fairly sure that the opposition didn’t notice the dents in the ladies changing-room wall: 103-3.

MinCat had been batting sensibly, when she took a wild swing at another ball which kept low, and was bowled: 127-4.

Ivy was also clean bowled: 156-5.

Tom had made a steady start, when they brought on a spin bowler, and he edged a catch to the slips: 176-6.

Jona was caught out by a similar ball, having made a respectable 17: 223-7.

Frangelita was hit by a ball, but elected to stay on the field. Sadly she was clearly distracted by the blow, as she was bowled next ball: 268-8.

Richard, clearly enjoying his new bat, had meanwhile been steadily piling on the runs and became our top scorer, on 64, but failed to move us on any further before being trapped LBW: 268-9.

Our final pair scored a few quick runs, before Phil was out LBW, leaving Interpreter not out on 17, and with the team on a respectable 293-10, with good contributions from every player, albeit that no-one pushed on to a very big score.

Tea, provided by the opposition, was very poor by the standards we have set. Very stodgy.

Fortunately, Interpreter had arrived with a food parcel: brioche, madeleines, pets de nonne, chocolatines and 11 slices of tarte Tatin, so some of us nipped behind the pavilion and tucked in.

Play resumed with some of our players looking decidedly corpulent. Tom, fortunately, seemed particularly aggressive (I believe he was annoyed that Phil had eaten the last dozen sausage rolls) having an opener caught at mid-on by Interpreter when the score was only: 15-1.

In his next over Tom had the other opener caught with a magnificent diving catch by Richard: 16-2.

This fast aggressive bowling by our opening pair soon took its toll; they tired, and the batsmen started scoring freely, so I switched to our slower bowlers. Interpreter had their no 3 caught by Vicus in the slips: 65-3.

Vicus held onto the ball again, in my next over: 66-4.

Interpreter clearly felt he needed to do something special this week, and was putting a great deal off effort into his bowling. He was able to make use of the uneven wicket to get the odd ball to rear unpredictably – eventually getting his man in the ribs, and forcing him to retire hurt.

We had plenty of runs in hand, so I gave our third pair a chance. Phil was too expensive, so I took him off after two overs, but MinCat bowled very economically, albeit without success. At the other end, though, Vicus struck immediately, as I returned the compliment, and held a catch at gulley from his bowling: 109-5.

We found it difficult to make a breakthrough to their tail, and the runs steadily flowed whilst I tried different combinations of bowlers. Eventually I bowled one of them: 161-6.

The score continued to build, before Interpreter got another wicket: 240-7.

I brought Tom back, muttered ‘sausage rolls’ to him, and he thundered in, getting his man LBW: 259-8.


We had a lead of 34, but they still had two wickets in hand, if their injured batsman decided to return to the fray. At that moment, however, an ambulance arrived on the scene, and took him away. Tom glared, charged in, and trapped their last man LBW. They finished on 259 and we won again!!

Saturday 15th July 2006:

I dropped myself from the side, as I wouldn’t want to be a liability (I have a bit of a limp, following a foot injury). Interpreter therefore captained the side.

Bowel Movement CC versus Much Binding CC. Sadly our luck deserted us from the start, when Interpreter lost the toss. We were required to bat first, which inspired our acting captain to demonstrate his independence - perhaps to show that he has ideas of his own, or to impress the ladies (he was certainly walking with a certain swagger, which I put down to the oversize box he needed to wear, to cover the swelling from last week’s injury). Whatever the reason, he radically changed our batting line-up. At least this had the advantage that those who didn’t get a chance to bat last week, would have time to impress the selector this week.

Sadly, most of them failed so to do.

I don’t know about the rest of the team, but sitting by the boundary rope, sharing fairy cakes with a rambler from Cornwall, I was concerned from the off, when their opening pace bowler took Vicus’ cap off with his first ball. The bowling became decidedly hostile after that, and it wasn’t long before the middle stump was uprooted: 4-1.

This vicious pace continued for the first ten overs, before some slower bowling was introduced. Sadly, by this time our position had become almost desperate:

Mincat was clean bowled: 9-2.

Richard was caught in the slips: 13-3.

Interpreter was out LBW: 21-4.

Ivy was bowled: 41-5.

The only member of our team who seemed to be enjoying herself was Jona. Batting with a wide grin on her face, she had cut and driven their pace-men, and now laid into the spin. Sadly she was, perhaps, a little too relaxed, and stopping halfway down the wicket to wave to her children may, in retrospect, have been a mistake, as she was run out, having top-scored on 37: 64-6.

Our tail did at least pick up a few runs against the slower bowling, before their openers returned to rip through them:

Lisa was stumped, having unwisely come down the wicket to a spinner, and then found she was unable to make up her ground quickly enough: 71-7.

Carol was caught on the boundary, taking a slog: 83-8.

Phil played a lightning-quick ball onto his stumps: 85-9.

Frangelita was our last player out, edging a catch to the keeper, leaving a perplexed-looking Tom stranded at the other end: 94-10.

A really outstanding tea was enjoyed by everyone at this point. Well done, once again, to the catering team. I particularly appreciated the angel cake. Oh, and the strawberry jelly and ice-cream.

With a desperately low target to defend, Interpreter decided to give each bowler short sharp spells, in the hope that they could exert themselves to the uttermost. Sadly, our varied bowling attack could not make the necessary breakthrough (perhaps by now the side was missing your captain’s knack of getting openers out) and they knocked off the runs they needed without a single wicket falling.

We lost by 10 wickets.

Never mind, team, there is always another week. I have at least had the opportunity of seeing you all play, and will now have to seriously consider the options before I select next week’s team on Friday. I certainly hope to be fit by then, and with twelve players in the squad, someone has to sit out each week.

Let me make it quite clear that I have every confidence in our vice-captain, and I will not be requiring him to fall on his sword.

Tuesday

Saturday 8th July 2006:

You couldn’t make it up. Well, you could, obviously, but I haven’t. It is amazing, though, how much this computer-generated game seems to match the characteristics of the players (or, to be a little more precise, the virtual characteristics, given that I am working on the basis of what you have chosen to tell me about yourselves).

Our first game in the East of England Virtual Cricket League, Bowl Movement CC versus Port Lemon CC. Once again I won the toss. I elected to field, to shouts of delight from the team, who just fancied a few hours in the sweltering sun. I pointed out that I was only listening to what my team-mates requested (last week Phil complained that we had batted first, while he was weak from hunger). Phil was pointedly ostracised by several members of the team for the rest of the match, including his friend, Lisa, who had nobly done the scoreboard for us last week, and so I thought it only fair to give her a game this week.

Another factor in his less-than-warm welcome could have been the pink kit that half the team wore thanks to Phil (see yesterday’s comments column) – fortunately some of us had our own whites.

Tom made an early breakthrough, getting one of their openers out LBW, with the score on 11.

After that, however, our opening bowlers toiled in vain, and with the score on 57-1, I decided to bring myself and Interpreter on, making a breakthrough almost immediately when I had the other opener (see last week’s note about my real-life ability against opening batsmen) caught by Vicus in the slips: 61-2.

After a few more wicket-less overs, I kept myself on, and tried first Phil and then MinCat at the other end – they didn’t achieve anything, but I eventually got their number 3 out, caught and bowled: 102-3.

I brought the openers back, and Tom made an immediate breakthrough, with an LBW: 104-4.

Vicus bowled the next man whilst the score was on Nelson: 111-5.
He also took the next wicket, caught by Ivy at Square Leg: 123-6.

After a while I brought our slower bowlers back on, and a brilliant spell of spin bowling saw Interpreter get his first wicket for BMCC: 156-7.

I took myself off, trying out Phil and MinCat again. Then, in an inspired piece of captaincy, and remembering her mutterings as she left the changing-rooms last week, I invited Carol to bowl an over – after facing two looping balls from her, the batsman danced down the wicket and mis-hit a catch straight to Jona at Long Off: 168-8.

I brought the openers back to finish off the tail – Vicus bowling their number 10: 186-9.

We could not winkle out the last pair, and with the score moving ominously beyond 200, I asked Interpreter to bamboozle them with his spin – clean bowled! 213-10.

Tea (provided this week by the opposition) bore no comparison to the excellent quality of the catering from our ladies.

I, however, may have had slightly too many cream scones. Perhaps, too, the days I’ve spend standing by the church door, greeting visitors to the flower festival may have taken their toll (my knees ache, for sure). Whatever the excuse reason, as we started our innings, I played a couple of defensive shots, and was then caught out by their keeper for a duck: 4-1.

Fortunately Vicus and Richard got stuck in, and both pushed on, so well in fact that they had both scored half-centuries, before Richard was bowled, with the score on 114-2.

Tom never really got settled, and was out before he’d got his eye in: 128-3.

Interpreter, sadly, was hit in the box area and had to retire hurt.

At this point, having reviewed the batting order in the light of last week’s performance, I promoted MinCat to number 6. She scored a steady 20, and had helped us almost to a winning score, before she was bowled: 206-4.

Vicus had achieved his century by this time, and now attempted to hit the ball for six, to win the match. Sadly he was comprehensively bowled: 208-5.

It was left to Phil and Jona to bring us home, which they did safely: 214-5.

We won by five wickets.

So, two wins in two weeks. Real cricket was never this good. We currently top the league table. Keep it up team. See you all at nets I hope.

Our score card, for those who want the statistics:

Saturday 1st July 2006:

[Let me stress once again that the report that follows is a completely honest description of the game played yesterday. I haven’t changed any of the scores. It is genuinely quite amazing how the performances I might have anticipated from some players were reflected in what actually happened in the game.]

Well, that’s the first match under our belt: Bowl Movement CC versus Comfrey by George CC.

Under an effulgent sun we lightly tripped onto the field, and by jove what a fine body we were! Whites freshly laundered, boots polished, bats oiled, club colours blazing.

Six hours later saw us a little careworn, but heads held high as we clapped the opposition off the field, and shook hands with a hearty ‘well played!’.

I started our season on a high, by winning the toss, and deciding to bat.

Our openers set off steadily, and had reached 49 before Vicus was caught by gulley. Next in was Richard, who played a dashing innings, scoring the only six of the match. Unfortunately he was bowled next ball, on 35. I was dropped by the keeper when I’d reached 60, but was out shortly after that, having reached 61 (a lifetime best).

Our middle-order continued to score steadily, Tom being the next to fall, caught in the slips after a dashing 89. Phil, sadly (perhaps we can see this as an example of art following life) was run out on 6, as he waddled up the wicket.

Our vice-captain, Interpreter played a steady, classy innings, but the fall of his wicket (bowled for 25) signalled a collapse of our tail: Jona was bowled for 2, Carol for 1, and Frangelita LBW for 6. MinCat had played steadily through this collapse, and was our last player out, caught on the boundary for 28, leaving Ivy not out on 2.

We scored a grand total of 287.

There followed a splendid tea (well done ladies).

Their opening batsmen scored steadily against our attack bowlers (Vicus and Tom). Too many cakes, gentlemen!

Eventually I brought on our slower bowlers (myself and Interpreter) and made the breakthrough when I bowled one of their openers (art/life conjunction again – regular readers may recall that three-quarters of the wickets I took last year were opening batsmen) and then had the other opener and their number 4 both caught behind by Richard, our keeper.

I took myself off at that point, and brought our openers back. Tom took the next wicket, bowling their number 5, bringing the score to 82-4. A win appeared to be easily within our grasp, but sadly they now went on the attack, their number 3 eventually going on to make a century.

In an attempt to shift them, I tried a radical experiment, and brought Phil and MinCat on. Neither they, nor either of our other two bowling combinations achieved anything, as the runs steadily mounted.

Finally, Vicus made a breakthrough, although by now the score had risen to 216-5. I got the next wicket (221-6) and Tom the next (227-7). Our openers then bowled steadily, but without success, so I brought myself and Phil on and achieved the collapse we needed – I bowled their centurion, number 3, which gave me another first, a five-fer. The score, though, had reached 246-8 and nails were being bitten in the stands.

Incredibly, Phil took the last two wickets, bowling them out for 258.

We won by 29 runs!!

Well done, everyone, for your contribution, without which, etc…

For those who like to keep a note of their statistics, and will bore us all with details of their average at the annual club dinner and prize-giving, I have copied our team’s score-sheet: